Turdlicious

I have a lot of feels. Most of them revolve around me feeling like a turd. The kind of turd that's giant and nasty and smells bad. It clogs your toilet and tears something on the way out. That's me.

If I ever get to a doctor I'm just going to show them this blog so I don't have to explain shit. No pun intended.



This is my secret blog. No, I will not give you my "real one." This is secret for a reason.

I try so hard to make people feel loved and happy but everyone acts like I’m insignificant and not worthy of being loved back. How am I ever supposed to love myself when I’ve lived my entire life never knowing what being loved by anyone actually feels like? What’s so wrong with me?

survivorrat: top: abused by family members bottom: end up supporting them financially because if i don’t, then i become the asshole.

survivorrat:

top: abused by family members

bottom: end up supporting them financially

because if i don’t, then i become the asshole.

bpdthings: #100!! Thank you for all the submissions so far!

bpdthings:

#100!!

Thank you for all the submissions so far!

survivorrat: Top: “I don’t understand what happened to you. You used to have so much potential!” Bottom: You took all that away from me. I’ve been abused physically, verbally, emotionally, and psychologically for as long as I can remember. My mother often tells me that me attitude has “changed” and that I’m somehow “different” than I was some months ago, usually by blaming it on a failed relationship of mine or the fact that I’m lazy (which in truth is the depression and anxiety issues that she caused). She, her husband, and his oldest daughter often claim how I’ve wasted all the potential I used to have and that I’m not going anywhere in life. They took anything good about me and tore it apart. Never once have they treated me like a human being. Never once was I told that I had any of this “potential” that I apparently no longer have. Never once have I received a kind word or gesture from any of them - for the past twenty years they’ve made my daily life hell. Along with my depression and anxiety disorder, I am also a (recently) diagnosed sociopath. I am incapable of feeling remorse when I do something generally deemed “bad”, I constantly seek to be in control of any situation I’m put in, no matter the cost, and while I can enjoy (to an extent) sexual relations, I cannot even force myself to have any affection for others. I simply don’t have the luxury. It was beaten, burned, and carved out of me, then throw in the trash. That’s where my “potential” went.

survivorrat:

Top: “I don’t understand what happened to you. You used to have so much potential!”

Bottom: You took all that away from me.

I’ve been abused physically, verbally, emotionally, and psychologically for as long as I can remember. My mother often tells me that me attitude has “changed” and that I’m somehow “different” than I was some months ago, usually by blaming it on a failed relationship of mine or the fact that I’m lazy (which in truth is the depression and anxiety issues that she caused). She, her husband, and his oldest daughter often claim how I’ve wasted all the potential I used to have and that I’m not going anywhere in life.

They took anything good about me and tore it apart. Never once have they treated me like a human being. Never once was I told that I had any of this “potential” that I apparently no longer have. Never once have I received a kind word or gesture from any of them - for the past twenty years they’ve made my daily life hell.

Along with my depression and anxiety disorder, I am also a (recently) diagnosed sociopath. I am incapable of feeling remorse when I do something generally deemed “bad”, I constantly seek to be in control of any situation I’m put in, no matter the cost, and while I can enjoy (to an extent) sexual relations, I cannot even force myself to have any affection for others. I simply don’t have the luxury. It was beaten, burned, and carved out of me, then throw in the trash. That’s where my “potential” went.

survivorrat: [top: not sure if actually being nice] [bottom: or manipulative] lately I’ve been having trouble telling whether my dad is actually trying to be nice to me or just trying to get me not to report him

survivorrat:

[top: not sure if actually being nice] [bottom: or manipulative]

lately I’ve been having trouble telling whether my dad is actually trying to be nice to me or just trying to get me not to report him

depressedproblems: When someone attempts suicide, so many ignorant people brush it off as “attention seeking” and they don’t even give it a second thought. Like hi are you aware that their life almost ended? they almost stopped existing and you have the audacity to gossip about it during lunch instead of trying to contact them to check up on them or wish them well.But then when someone is successful in their attempt everyone says bullshit like, “If only they had reached out.” and pretends that they had offered them all this support. if you’re thinking of committing suicide tonight, don’t. I love you and there are ways out of this. You can still live and love and be happy.

depressedproblems:

When someone attempts suicide, so many ignorant people brush it off as “attention seeking” and they don’t even give it a second thought. Like hi are you aware that their life almost ended? they almost stopped existing and you have the audacity to gossip about it during lunch instead of trying to contact them to check up on them or wish them well.
But then when someone is successful in their attempt everyone says bullshit like, “If only they had reached out.” and pretends that they had offered them all this support.

if you’re thinking of committing suicide tonight, don’t. I love you and there are ways out of this. You can still live and love and be happy.

survivorrat: Top Text: Watch movie in class about alcoholism and abuse Bottom Text: Cry Silently in back of classroom While the rest of the class had no problem watching it I struggled to keep myself together.

survivorrat:

Top Text: Watch movie in class about alcoholism and abuse

Bottom Text: Cry Silently in back of classroom

While the rest of the class had no problem watching it I struggled to keep myself together.

hannasnonsense:

Telling someone they’re not good enough is not okay

Telling someone they’re not good enough is not okay


I don’t care if you’re joking. I don’t care if you think ‘It will push them to work harder.’ Because it isn’t a joke, and it will not always make someone want to work harder to prove you wrong.

Sometimes they accept it as a fact, then they live with a mindset of “Why try when I’m just going to fail?”

It’s not okay.

(via clinicallydepressedpug)

depressedproblems: After you make mistakes and you know that you’re never going to forget it and you know it’s going to make you breakdown.

depressedproblems:

After you make mistakes and you know that you’re never going to forget it and you know it’s going to make you breakdown.

survivorrat: [TOP TEXT:  YOU’RE AN ADULT NOW BOTTOM TEXT: WHY DON’T YOU MOVE OUT] After years of being emotionally and sometimes physically abused by my mother and bullied at school, my anxiety and depression basically prevent me from being a functioning human being. I can’t make phonecalls or talk to people I don’t know, I don’t have a driver’s license, every little obstacle makes me wanna quit. I have a hard time getting up from bed and often forget to eat, shower or brush my teeth, and need someone to remind me to do so.  I also work a dead end job (which I only got thanks to my grandmother’s friend) and housing is really expensive around here, so it’d leave me with limited money for medication and things that make my life bearable. It makes me angry when people tell me to ‘just move out’ - if it were easy, I would have done it as soon as I turned 18.

survivorrat:

[TOP TEXT:  YOU’RE AN ADULT NOW

BOTTOM TEXT: WHY DON’T YOU MOVE OUT]

After years of being emotionally and sometimes physically abused by my mother and bullied at school, my anxiety and depression basically prevent me from being a functioning human being. I can’t make phonecalls or talk to people I don’t know, I don’t have a driver’s license, every little obstacle makes me wanna quit. I have a hard time getting up from bed and often forget to eat, shower or brush my teeth, and need someone to remind me to do so.  I also work a dead end job (which I only got thanks to my grandmother’s friend) and housing is really expensive around here, so it’d leave me with limited money for medication and things that make my life bearable. It makes me angry when people tell me to ‘just move out’ - if it were easy, I would have done it as soon as I turned 18.